If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
