You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
