So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
