After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
