ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
