I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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