I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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