I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize