I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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