her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
