the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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