Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
