oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
