sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
