i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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