I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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