My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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