I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
