Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
