We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
