you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
