Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
