i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
