after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
