fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
