So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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