i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
