I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
