farters have to be the big spoon...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
