my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
