My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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