i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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