it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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