Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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