Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We are two peas in an std pod
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
