your parents love me but you hate me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
