Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
