It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
