I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
