Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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