I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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