the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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