He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
