Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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