There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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