32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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