I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
