I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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