I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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