my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
