why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
