I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
