Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
