OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my shit smells like andre
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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