Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
