Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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