I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My bed smells like the plague
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
