he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
