listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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