So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
