She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's the barista slut.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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