I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
