He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
