And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
