Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
