the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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