So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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