I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
