dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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