i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize