Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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