If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
