Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
